You’ve just sat down at a restaurant and your server comes over to get your drink order. She smiles to encourage you. You think she has a great smile. You ask her which red wine she’d recommend and she points at the Pinot Noir, it’s her favourite. She pours you a taster and you’re into it. You let her know that she not only has a fantastic smile but good taste. You notice she’s not taken by that because she already knows these things about herself. She thanks you politely.
You’re drinking the wine a little too fast because the server is playing it cool. She’s taking her time to take your dinner order probably so that you order more drinks later. You were planning on it anyway. You’ve known what you’ve wanted to eat from the moment you glanced over the mains – the pasta with duck ragu. You love duck.
She finally comes over and you playfully joke around a bit before you order. You’ve got her laughing. She softens a bit, tells you your shirt brings out your eyes and walks away. After dinner, you ask her to join you for a drink. She can’t for obvious reasons but tells you she’d love to meet you after her shift is over. She brings over a whiskey on the rocks and says this one is on her. You think, what an awesome girl.
The food was delicious, service impeccable and you are completely satisfied. When you receive the bill you learn that her name is Clare. You look the bill over, decide – you know what? I’m not paying for this one – and, walk out.
Uhhhhh, tap tap, is this thing on
What? Walk out? Excuse me? I don’t get it. Didn’t you just say that everything about your meal was awesome? You didn’t even say bye to Clare! You didn’t even leave a tip. So confused!
The other side
This story isn’t over. We need to see how Clare feels about all this. She feels the patron’s actions were cold and unwarranted, a little misleading. She would have understood more had he given her a reason even if it was made up. Forgot your wallet? Just got an emergency call and your mom’s in the hospital? You need to drop your videos off before the store closes (so creepily American Psycho)?
But, he chose to just disappear giving Clare the impression that it was all just for entertainment, you know, something to do. Respect? Well, there seems to be a lack thereof even though some kind of relationship was built. Clare wonders maybe he thinks she’s a robot who doesn’t have feelings, her own thoughts, and can be turned on and off as he pleases. An object! Maybe that’s not what he actually thinks but that’s how he has made Clare feel.
The cower and then slowly move backwards
Even my own brother agrees with me on this one. He calls it the ‘pussy-manoeuvre’ – girls are the ones with the pussy but guys act like one. I know, this is old news. I’ve been online and have looked at forums with women asking ‘why?’ or ‘what does it mean when he does this?’ Most of these questions are answered by men with the air of “yeah, we’re dicks but that’s what that means or why we do that,” like women are supposed to just accept it. Ohhhh, it’s not his fault; all men are like that!
Most men can’t be honest with women. I find it interesting how guys can be frank with their male counterparts and can tell it like it is. But with women, they can’t handle it. Is it because they’ll hurt the woman’s feelings with honesty? Well, ignoring them doesn’t really avoid that, you just don’t know about it. You’re afraid she’s going to go nuts? Well, really, that’ll just give you all the proof you needed to know your decision of giving her the ole heave-ho was a solid one.
At the end of the day, people need and should respect one another. Respect comes with honesty, integrity, and balls. I’m not saying that after one date you need to explain yourself. We all know when we’ve passed the line, when the ‘dine and dash’ just won’t do. And you might be thinking that I’m all talk. No, I’ve called up dudes with major anxiety (where I’ve practised what I was going to say beforehand) because I felt that, out of respect, they deserved my telling them. Dining and dashing is just so selfish.
Grow some balls!
Grow some balls! Or, I can give you mine. I find them kind of gross and I’ve never dined and dashed before. Seems exhilarating!